Gay, straight or... *gasp* bisexual

So last night at a barbecue, I met a very interesting woman. No don’t worry I haven’t gone straight- ha. But then saying that, she and I had a very interesting chat about sexuality. She told me very openly about her experiences with women, but was very confident that this didn’t make her gay, in fact she wasn’t in anyway concerned with trying to label the experiences. They were just things that had happened.

Sky Boss also had to admit that he has had experiences with women! Gasp! Don’t worry, little smutster- this rough raw and ready sex pig is still very gay. But what does that even mean?

In our modern Western world it feels like it has long been accepted that women will have sexual experiences with other women, and nobody will think to label them as gay or straight or bi. However, modern Western society is much more obsessed with male sexuality and labelling it. It seems that a man cannot have an experience with another man without everybody jumping to declare that he is gay- or even- the dreaded bisexual!

The experience itself must be compartmentalised as a ‘gay experience’ and then dissected and evaluated as a ‘never again’ or a ‘yes again’.

Recently I have enjoyed playing with the MM genre of literature- because the nature of MM literature is that the characters are not necessarily bound by the labels of gay, straight or bisexual. MM allows me to bring men together in hot passionate encounters that aren’t obsessed with labels. It grants a whole load of freedom to escape from the gay – straight (gasp, muttering under breath bisexual) binary that we find ourselves in.

After all - gay, straight and bisexual are modern terms. Whilst we in the West are enjoying unprecedented levels of LGBTQ (XYZ) freedoms, there are some places such as Indonesia, where the clock is being rolled back and the freedoms of queer peoples are being trampled. So whilst we debate if pride to too cis-gendered or white, LGBTQ folks are being stoned to death and put in prison in other parts of the world.

If pushed I say that I’m ‘gay’ as a kind of shorthand. I like to have sex with men- one day I may even meet handsome sexy daddy (with lots of money) to marry. But I also don’t rule out the possibility of sex or relationships with women, I just have to be honest that it’s highly unlikely.

However, try and explain that mouthful to someone you just met. Someone who doesn’t know you too well, or someone that you’re not really interested in having such a personal conversation with, like your boss.

These labels serve a purpose, but they should not define us.

After all love is love and lust is lust and both can be beautiful, and both can be ugly.

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