What is safe sex?

Bare backing, condoms and safe sex

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You can't trust ANYONE, they say, at the sexual health clinic! The nurses and doctors sit me down, with earnest concern and commanding tones of authority, they inform me that, even if the guy really believes he is negative, he might be positive. He might, also, only be telling you he's positive (but) undetectable, just to get you to drop your trousers and let him cream you! DON'T TRUST ANYONE! is their mantra!

As for other STIs – their tone is heavy – fuck! Antibiotic resistant gonorrhoea and chlamydia are on the rise, did I also forget to mention mycroplasma genitalia? And syphilis! What a nasty surprise!

So what is safe sex? For me, getting tested regularly and making sure that my partners are tested too, then making informed choices about sex with one another. I still love sex parties and I will still be going to many (I hope) but I can't afford to throw caution to the wind anymore (at least not as much as I have been...).

Safe sex, for me, doesn't start or finish with the condom. It's about making informed choices. It's about connections. I love bare backing, but it's not feasible for me to keep having the amount of unprotected sex that I've been having. I'm certainly not judging anyone who's doing it, or saying that I've not enjoyed it, I just want the clap a lot less in 2018! 2017 has been an interesting year and I've had a HELL of a lot of fun. But what goes up – must come down!

For 2018 I'm manifesting a couple of good, trustworthy partners with whom I can have unprotected sex. I'll still be making lots of love to lots of great guys, but my priorities are shifting. Condoms can be a sign of love & respect for ourselves and our partners. Especially when we're just getting to know one another.

I don't subscribe to the whole “don't trust anyone” mentality of my local health advisers at my local clap clinic, I'm still going to make informed choices about my partners, with my partners. But I'm going to take some time to get to know people a bit, so for me 2018 will see much less anonymous bare backing. 

I still think that the majority of people in the world are well-intentioned, however, if you're going to be fucking everyone that moves at a sex party, just be sure that you're aware of the risks. But hey, you take that advice or leave it, it all depends on how much of a pain in the ass you personally find gonorrhoea & chlamydia etc. 

With all of the antibiotic resistant stuff on the rise – the big question is how do we show our love for one another as a gay community? I'm going to leave the answers to these very important questions in your hands. 
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For me, now, the big question is about loving connection. It's about using sex as a means of connecting with another beautiful being - and having a fucking hot time doing it. I'm not going to have less sex, but I'm going to be A LOT more discerning about who I have unprotected sex with and when.


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